Maggie decided to challenge my leadership today. My 10 month old, sassy little kneehigh princess of a doeling tried to stage a coup.

It was hilarious.

If she was a bigger goat, I could see it being somewhat terrifying, but she’s half pygmy. I’m not sure if she’s currently in season, or if she is simply still acting out from being pitchforked into an entirely new life. Either way, I was treated to a full range of dominance behaviours from stamping and kicking, to biting, attemps to climb me like a ladder, and attempted headbutting.

At first, I simply blocked her with my hand. She took it as a challenge and tried harder. I used upset-goat sounds and ‘bit’ her, the way a dominant goat would. She tried to get behind me and headbutt my butt.

Okay, princess, listen up. I am the human. I will feed you and care for you and treat you with loving care, but I am the herd queen here, not you.

She tried to offer me her horns. So…I accepted the offer. I firmly but gently grabbed onto her horns and simply held on. She’s at best 25 lbs. Holding her with convenient handles is not exactly a challenge. I gently forced her head down and just waited her out, talking to her softly the whole time.

I am not your enemy, darlin’. We were friends once, you just can’t remember. We’ll be friends again, but you don’t get to be the boss. Don’t snort at me, young lady.

Once she stopped fighting, I cautiously let her go. She burped in my face and then stood there placidly chewing her cud while I scritched her all over.

We shall see how things go tomorrow. The war may not be over, but this battle at least ended well.